You’ve been living with a penis in one way, shape, or form for your entire life. Yet, there are plenty of things you don’t know about this oblong organ. For example, do you realize that the human penis is one of a kind?
No other mammal in the animal kingdom has a shlong like ours, so we should probably get to know it a little bit better. After all, it’s going to stay with us until we die. Plus, it’s a vital part of humanity’s survival overall.
10 fun facts about the human penis they didn’t teach you in school
There’s more to the human penis than meets the eye. In fact, scientists are still studying our shlongs because they’re so exclusive and mysterious. You most likely learned about trouser snakes while you were in school, but your teachers certainly didn’t tell you this stuff. So, grab some popcorn because we’re about to dive deep into these 10 fun penis facts.
#1. You got your first erection as a baby.
The human penis is born to work, so it doesn’t take any time for it to strap on boots and stand at attention for its first assignment. In fact, a study conducted in 1991 proves that even fetuses can cop a boner. Doctors have actually seen them in countless ultrasounds. It happens during REM sleep and can occur several times in one hour.
So, stop thinking that your first chubby was in 2nd grade when Suzie smooched your cheek. It was when you were still forming in your mom, perv. Scientists believe it happens as your body is “coming alive” through natural neurological development. The problem is that it seldom ever stops until the day we die. But even then, our dicks can still get hard for a while.
#2. Your penis is longer than you think it is.
As a matter of fact, your ding-dong is nearly twice the size you’ve come to believe it is. That’s because more than half of its entire length is smooshed up inside your body. To make it longer, thicker, stronger, or more robust, you might have to do some stretches from time to time. Just keep in mind that it’s attached to vital organs.
As you can tell by the diagram above, there’s a big mass of tissue right on top of your balls. It’s called (get ready for this) the “corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum.” That grandly named mass extends far into your pelvic region, giving you more penis length overall (albeit in the shape of a boomerang). It’s all right there in the picture; you just can’t use it as a pickup line.
#3. Morning wood isn’t as flattering as it sounds.
Whether you know it or not, most men get around 3-5 boners every night while they sleep. It happens during REM, as expected, and it has more to do with hormonal surges during dreamtime than your sexual health or appetites. So, waking up in the morning with a raging hard-on isn’t as spectacular as you’ve been making it.
There’s actually a name for erections that happen just before, during, or just after sleep. It’s called “nocturnal penile tumescence” and it’s completely natural, not purposeful. Doctors still don’t know exactly why it happens, but some think it’s an evolved trait that keeps men from pissing on themselves in the middle of the night. Either way, it’s a win-win for whoever wakes up the bed with you.
#4. You can break it.
Yes, you read that right. You can break your dick if you’re not careful. After all, there’s a bone inside and it’s more delicate than you treated it last weekend. Bones inside sexual organs is relatively rare in the animal kingdom, so feel proud about your sexy skeleton. Just take it easy during vigorous sex because you could end up snapping in half. Ouch.
A penis fracture isn’t as serious as it sounds but it hurts like hell. There have been documented cases of men breaking their boners after falling out of bed, so you’re really never out of danger. So, don’t stop having sex the way you like it just because your cock could snap in two. There are doctors who can fix it and it’s a rather rare occurrence anyway.
#5. The angle of your dangle isn’t unique.
Your magic mushroom can look in almost any direction. In fact, most men don’t have straight dicks at all. So, stop thinking yours is unique because there are probably thousands of guys with a dick like yours. This isn’t a fingerprint, fellas. A majority of human penises sit at an angle and there’s actually a pattern to it. Here’s how it generally breaks down:
- About 5% of men hang between 0 and 30°.
- Nearly 30% dangle at around 30 to 60°.
- Another 31% boasts a 65-85° angle.
- Almost 10% of men carry an 85-95° penis.
- The remaining +/-25% dangle at a 95 to 180° angle.
That means you can stop feeling weird about your cock being cock-eyed. It’s completely normal and has probably been seen before. Plus, it usually feels a lot better for your partners because it helps attack the g-spot and p-spot.
#6. A flaccid penis is no indication of its erect potential.
Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m a grower, not a show-er?” That’s because they’re the type of guy whose dick pops up out of nowhere to become a behemoth boner where a flaccid fig once flopped. He’s not really that special though. Scientifically speaking, there’s no direct correlation between the length of your flaccid dick and its ultimate size. It’s all a mystery, folks.
A “grower” is someone who starts out small and then grows into something more massive. A “show-er” is someone whose soft penis is large but stays the same size for the most part when erect. You have little control of which type of person you are, so love your lap for what it is and learn how to put a little more motion in your ocean to compensate if you have to.
#7. It’s hard as hell to control when men ejaculate.
Guys can’t do much about when they get off, at least not once the process has been initiated. It takes an incredible amount of willpower to stop the surge when it’s already engaged. That’s because the process doesn’t really use the brain. At that point, your spinal ejaculation generator is in charge instead.
Of course, you can still use your head a little bit to slow the flow. If you try to concentrate on something else, it might delay ejaculation by a few seconds. However, the nuts and bolts of this operation are primal, so you have to train your penile nerve endings, not your overly excited mind.
#8. Your shoe size doesn’t matter…at all.
They say men who have big shoes have even bigger penises, but that’s hardly the case. In fact, this urban myth has stopped far too many small-footed men from getting laid properly. A recent study conducted by BJU International showed no relation between feet and fun sticks. It is what it is, size 12. Your glory days are over.
As it turns out, your dick dimensions are dependent upon other things and many of them aren’t even physical. Factors like your age, your height, and the length of your index finger are more telling. So, stop looking at the ground before going to pound town. The proof is in the point finger, my friends.
#9. You get one final boner right after you die.
Almost as a way to say “Goodbye, cruel world. Suck my dick,” you’ll get a raging hard-on just a few moments after you croak. It happens as your body goes into rigor mortis, but it’s most common among those who die of asphyxiation. That’s because there’s additional pressure on the cerebellum and spine at the time of death, and you already know how the spine interacts with your penis.
This phenomenon also occurs for the same reasons that you get an erection in your sleep. Hormone dumps into your blood stream cause a condition colloquially dubbed “angel lust” or a “terminal erection.” And while it may sound like what happened the last time you went home with a random stranger, it’s actually less sad than that.
#10. There are monuments dedicated to dicks all over the world.
The penis is an ancient relic that has inspired countless works of art. Believe it or not, the obelisks in
Egypt and Washington D.C. represent a phallic form. The Capitol Dome represents the womb, and this type of symbolism is virtually everywhere. Some cultures even think that erect dick statues can bring good luck and improved fertility.
In Iceland, for example, there’s an Icelandic Phallological Museum that dedicates exhibit space to works of penile art from all over the world. The founder received a bull’s penis as a token of strength when he was a boy. So naturally, he started a museum to house his growing collection. I guess that makes him a “grower” and a “show-er.”
The money shot
We’re not taught nearly enough about the human penis in primary school. Then, by high school, we think we know it all. When we reach adulthood, we become surprised by all the fun facts we learn along the way. It’s the circle of life, so don’t get discouraged because you’re not a penis expert. If we knew everything already we’d probably tear down our dick monuments and call it a day, but we don’t.
You see, mankind is so fascinated by boners that they keep fossilized penises in museums for public appreciation. There’s one in Greece called “Colymbosathon Ecplecticos” which just means “awesome swimmer with a massive shlong” in Greek. But between Egypt, Washington D.C., and Iceland, places like China, Japan, and Greece need to catch up on their groin game.
Either way, the dick will never go away because it’s a part of humanity and the survival thereof. So, knowing as much as possible about it is more important than most schools pretend. A wise scholar by the name of Mokokoma once said, “Even the world’s best actor can’t fake an erection,” and he was right. You won’t be able to hide it, so try embracing it for once. You’re not as strange as you think.