Penis Is Your King

Penis Is Your King

Dicks are everywhere. Somewhere around 50% of the population has one, and more people learn how to handle theirs every day. Penises aren’t going anywhere, even if toxic masculinity is. In fact, shlongs have a long history in our society. So, men have figured out how to do a lot of fun things over the years.

As a matter of fact, dicks are made for more than just fucking. Did you know that your crotch holds the key to fertility? According to some ancient myths, a man’s erect penis is a sign of his blessing from the gods. That means showing your junk to strangers isn’t actually that bad. We’re kidding. Don’t do that.

The point is that your penis is a lot more interesting than you think. And while you may already be in love with it, as so many of us are, it never hurts to become reacquainted. After all, this is your oldest pal we’re talking about. So, learn a few new tricks before you whip him out again.

A brief glance at penis history

There are sculptures erected (quite literally) all around the world in the name of solid dick. Back in the day, cultures believed things like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation were punishments from other dimensions. Surely it couldn’t have been because of bad sex or health problems. So, they went about creating structures to commemorate that epic boner they once got in high school (or something like that).

Even some modern cultures still hold this belief, with contemporary examples of “penis envy” popping up everywhere from Belize to Broadway. One of the latest installments was completed by a female Swedish artist by the name of Carolina Falkholt back in 2018. She painted a massive 5-story dick on the side of an apartment building in Stockholm. Her reason? Because she wanted people to stop and think. Mission: accomplished.

You see, penises symbolize something. They take on a different meaning depending on whether they’re flaccid or erect, thick or skinny, short or tall. Unlike vaginas that pretty much stay the same no matter what’s going on, dicks have a personality. Thus, they’ve taken center stage in our society for a long, long time.

What is penis envy?

The term “penis envy” gets thrown around a lot but that’s because it’s sort of comical once you realize that Freud is the one who theorized it in the first place. His crazy ass suggested this: women get so jealous when they realize they don’t have a dick that they develop extreme anxiety about it. He went on further to explain that this event becomes a definitive moment in a girl’s psychosexual development. Whatever, Sigmund.

I think what he was trying to say is that vaginas rule the world, but that penises make the world go around. Perhaps he was just attempting to give honor to the strong, robust boners throughout mankind’s history. Either way, nobody’s talking about all the fun things penises can do and that’s a damn shame.

10 fun things you can do with your dick

Did you know that having sex is only a small portion of the penis puzzle? Your best friend has many talents, and he likes to show off as much as he can. That’s probably because he instinctively knows he’s an historically significant bad ass. If not, then he will pretty soon.

You see, having fun with your gun is relatively easy. It all depends on how creative and/or risky you’re willing to be. If you have a partner, this is rather simple. But if you’re single, it can be a little tougher to make the right decision. Either way, carefully consider these 10 options the next time you’re trying to figure out what else to do with your fun-loving phallus:

#1. Get a tattoo or piercing.

Penis tattoos may be dangerous and painful, but the outcome is usually awesome. Plus, it lasts forever so you never have to “dress up” you dick before a date again. You can add a special message to your lover or assign a significant name to your favorite body part. Whatever you decide, be sure to take care of it properly to prevent infection.

#2. Try an automatic stroker.

Automatic penis strokers have come a long way since their introduction to the sex toy market a few decades ago. These days, you can find devices with a whole host of different features, from heating cores and vibrating motors to real-time motion sensors and virtual reality. So, if those monuments don’t outlast the test of time, these bad boys sure will.

#3. See if it will grow.

Did you know that nearly half of your penis length is inside your body? That’s because your groin needs an anchor, so it uses penile muscle tissue to help keep things secure down there. What this means for you is pretty exciting. You can actually coax your cock into growing several inches by using a traction-based penis extender. Of course, results are always variable.

#4. Train it to run marathons.

Believe it or not, premature ejaculation is caused by something other than angered sex gods. In fact, modern science has shown significant advancements in the understanding of what makes a man cum. As it turns out, the nervous system is responsible. However, a man’s sensitivities can be manipulated with the right stimuli. So, some stamina training sex toys might help make intercourse fun again.

#5. Use it to make money.

These days, you no longer have to keep your penis in your pants to get a real job. You can sign up on various websites and apps to start making cash from your crotch. Sites like OnlyFans, CamDudes, and Chaturbate are all excellent places to launch your suck-cessful new side gig. Pay rates can vary widely though, so be sure to read the fine print before signing your life away.

#6. Put it in a cage.

There’s this thing called a cock cage and it’s extremely popular within the bondage underground. And before you start squirming, hear me out. Cock cages are designed to limit the wearer’s ability to get a full erection. They’re shiny, relatively comfortable, and safe in the right hands. Their greatest achievement is during tease sessions where the wearer struggles to remain “a good boy.” See, not so scary after all, is it? Suspecting wifes often put those on their husbands so they would not mess with their secretary or call girls. It might look painful, but we imagine it strongly reduces current divorce rates. Prices vary, but if you are rich, get yourself a gold one, so that you could be the real “Gold member”!

#7. Pass it around.

Group sex is something that so many people want to try but never have the guts to attempt. Fortunately, technology makes fantasy fulfillment much easier and less awkward to mention in bed. That’s because many sex toy manufacturers now offer interactive devices. Most of them are compatible with other devices, meaning you can enjoy real-time couple’s play or bring in a stranger without actually, you know, letting them in your house.

#8. Play dress up.

The world has been crazy about cock since the dawn of time, so does it really surprise you that we’ve got penis costumes out there? You can dress your dick up to be whatever it wants to be – an ass-tronaut, a fire starter (I mean fighter), or even a pound puppy. There are only a few rules when it comes to playing dress up with your junk: 1) Choose skin-safe materials so you don’t get a rash, and 2) Make it hilarious because now’s your time to shine.

#9. Create art with it.

Artists are great, aren’t they? Their creative minds come up with all sorts of crazy things, like penis art and homemade sex canvases. There’s actually a product called the Love Is Art Kit that lets you make wall paintings out of your private penile prowess. Then, you’ve also got super artsy stuff like the Clone-a-Willy Kit that’s lets you create a life-sized mold of your twig and berries. You can either hang up your masterpiece for all to see or use the mold to pleasure yourself and/or a partner when the mood strikes.

#10. Dive inside the hole.

Before you start cringing at the mere thought of plunging something down the tip of your dick, listen closely. Your penis is basically an extroverted vagina. Therefore, the hole is the vaginal opening/clitoris, the testes are the ovaries, and the shaft is the canal. It’s the simple, yet so many men miss out on the all the fun of using urethral sounding equipment. Little rods drop down into your “man-gina” and force out an extremely intense orgasm as a result. Don’t knock until you try it, friends.

Why do fun penises matter?

Although much of mankind’s experience with the human penis has been reverent, fun penises are still important. We don’t want to give dicks any more of a bad rep in our society. They’re already taken too seriously as it is. So, learn how to play with your anatomy and fight the good fight for all the rock-hard cocks of the world, monuments of otherwise.

The zip up

The modern penis has seen it all: life-changing historical events, social pressure just for existing, monuments erected in its name, etc. It’s primed, primal, and ready to party. So, give it something fun to do before things change again.

Fun Things to Do with Your Penis

Fun Things to Do with Your Penis

Having a dick is awesome. You get put it in stuff, feel its warm explosive ejaculation, and then whip it out too pee in the woods. It’s a liberating thing, owning a penis. So, why not make the most of it by having a little fun?

The fact of the matter is that only half the human population has a cock and you’re finally on the right side of the equation. No matter what society says, having a dirty dangler isn’t that bad. In fact, the following ideas could convince anybody that penile ownership is “all good.”

Fun things to do with your dick

Did you know that you can turn your tally-whacker into a toy? That’s right. Your twigs and berries are good for more than just getting in your way when you sit down. They’re also a source of entertainment and enjoyment if you know how to treat them right. I’ll bet you never learned this stuff in school.

Recess is a good time, but recreation is a party. So, transform your tool into a treat with these entertaining dick tricks:

#1. Masturbate Like There’s No Tomorrow

Jerking off isn’t hard to do, plus it’s good for your health. Back in the day, we used to get told that we would go blind or grow hairy palms if we touched ourselves. Now, we’re being told by doctors that it prevents several illnesses. In fact, there’s a clear link between masturbation and prostate cancer reduction.

On a less serious note, beating your meat feels pretty amazing. It also helps to eliminate stress, induce drowsiness, and pique a squashed appetite. So, even if you’re not in a relationship, it’s a good idea to pleasure your penis from time to time. If anyone asks why you’re so obsessed with self-satisfaction, tell just them you’ve found the fountain of youth.

#2. Use a Virtual Reality Sex Toy

Did you know that you can finally stop punishing your penis for all the things it can’t do? That’s because we’re living in a world with virtual reality. So, men can plunge their penises into high-tech sex toys to fulfill their fantasies without getting hurt, embarrassed, or married. Either way, most of the VR machines available today are compatible for couples.

VR sex lets you experiment safely in the comfort of your own home. It features 2D and 3D porn content from massive libraries and intuitive, ergonomic toys from well-known manufacturers. The sextech revolution is upon us and the future is now, folks. So, have some fun because ‘Weird Science’ is no longer science fiction.

#3. Make a Mold of It

Believe it or not, you’re not the only one who admires a good-looking dick. Your partner could love a handsome penis just the same, so turn your tool into a gift that keeps on giving. How? By creating a mold of it with the Clone-a-Willy Kit1 or DIY body molding materials.

High-quality molds of your penis feature the same great characteristics as your own – curves, veins, protruding heads, etc. You can even add special colors or a removeable vibrator if you get creative enough. Then, you can present the finished product as a gift to your horny partner the next time you’re about to leaving town.

#4. Man-Scape It Like You’re Vincent Van Gogh

There’s nothing better than a well-dressed dick, right? Well, that’s what most sexual partners think when they consider a fun, good-looking penis. They want something that appears ready for action, not recently dusted off from the attic of your underwear. In other words, take better care of your penis.

The act of practicing hygiene isn’t exactly fun but the outcome sure is. Manscaping also gives you a chance to try new things with your pubic hair. Do you want it short? Long? Shaved off? Beaded and braided? It’s up to you, but you should still try to have a good time while you’re creating a masterpiece.

#5. Play Dress Up with It

These days, you can do just about anything with your dick and nobody will think twice about it. The level of expressive freedom we now enjoy is pretty amazing, so take advantage. And hey, that sometimes means dressing up your penis in sexy or hilarious outfits. What’s wrong with that?

As a matter of fact, there’s an entire industry2 around dress-up dicks and it’s extremely popular among the BDSM community. You can sport suggestive costumes, slide a creative ring around the base, or even encase it in polished metal with a locking cock cage. Whatever the case, experiment with different looks until you find what you and/or your partner like. There are no rules here.

#6. Put It into a Penis Extender

You don’t need a short, slender penis to use the best penis extenders. In fact, a lot of men who are perfectly happy with their current “situation” end up using one just to see what happens. Most of the time, they achieve at least a few inches of penis growth over the course of a couple of months. That’s not bad for a fun experiment.

Good penis extension devices won’t hurt when you wear them. They won’t prevent you from going to the bathroom nor will they stop you from sitting down comfortably. You can’t have sex while you wear one though, and that can be anywhere from 1 or 2 hours to overnight. However, they use safe traction to grow your pole in the background, so why not?

#7. Plump with a Penis Pump

Even men with massive shlongs use penis pumps. Believe it or not, they’re extremely popular on porn movie sets and at underwear photoshoots. That’s because they bring blood to the surface and make the dick appear fuller and more erect. They also increase stamina and help prolong an erection.

Penis pumps can be a lot of fun because they increase surface sensitivity, which thereby makes your orgasms more intense. They’re quick to use, easy to maintain, and even kind of sexy if you let a partner do the pumping. Plus, these devices are generally safe when you use them in moderation. So, get a high-quality penis pump to prevent the need for excessive use.

#8. Track and Increase Your Stamina

Few men can last as long as they want to in bed, but that’s ok. Stamina is a subjective term that depends on how much you practice. So, turn your self-improvement plan into a game by carefully tracking your progress.

You can do this by timing how long it takes for you to ejaculate. Then, through penis pumping and masturbating, you can prolong each session with edging techniques and will power. After a while, you’ll start to see a big difference in how many things you can get away with in bed.

#9. Use It to Make Money

Have you ever thought about being a penis model? What about a web cam performer? Did you know that there’s a huge market for men who aren’t afraid to show off their junk? You can make major money doing it too.

For some men, the job is just a side gig that’s fun to do on the weekends. For others, it’s a full-time job that pays all the bills and then some. So, see how far you can get while raking in the dough, making fans, and having tons of fun.

The takeaway

There are several fun things to do with your penis if you’ve got a good imagination and an open mind. So, have a good time, be safe, and enjoy being a man.



How to Take Care of Your Penis

How to Take Care of Your Penis

Taking care of your penis is crucial for many reasons and none of them are in vain. Sure, you want your dick to look good in pics but that’s not the only purpose for good hygiene. In fact, poor penis-prep can be damaging to more than just your reputation. So, learn how to take care of your penis like a pro.

What factors affect penis health?

Most people know they can’t run around sticking their cocks into anything that walks. That behavior is considered generally dangerous and can lead to breakups and STIs. But did you know that there are other factors that can affect your penile wellbeing? Let’s take a look.

First, understand that this sort of “crotch fitness” doesn’t mean that your junk is big and bulky. It simply means your penis and reproductive organs function properly. To have a healthy penis, the following 5 things must be true for you:

  • You can urinate without pain, burning, or discomfort.
  • You’re able to achieve and/or maintain an erection.
  • Your fertility is still intact, especially if you’re young.
  • You don’t have penile, testicular, or prostate cancer.
  • Your free of sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

If one of those things is untrue for you, contact a medical professional as soon as possible because it may be a sign of something more serious. Meanwhile, your penis health can also be affected by these things:

  • Hormone levels
  • Underlying health conditions
  • Age
  • Sex/Gender
  • Sexual habits
  • Diet
  • Physical fitness
  • Lifestyle
  • Medication
  • Hygiene

For more information on how hygiene plays a more significant role in penile fitness than diet, exercise, and sexual appetites combined, keep reading.

Why is penis hygiene so important?

Aside from not wanting to gross out your partners, taking care of your penis is important because it fortifies your erection. That’s right. A clean dick is a lean dick, and a lean dick performs better in bed.

You see, poor penis hygiene can lead to a smegma build-up. Smegma is a thick, oily, smelly substance that gets secreted by your dick every day. It’s completely natural and not necessarily a sign of trouble if it’s moderate. However, leftover smegma can stink. Then, it can cause embarrassment…or infection.

Smegma causes inflammation on the skin that it touches. Inflamed dicks are beyond uncomfortable, plus balanitis can develop as well. What’s balanitis, you ask? It’s a nasty condition wherein the head of the penis becomes extremely red, swollen, and tender. Ouch.

Contrary to popular belief, even circumcised dicks excrete smegma. Of course, uncircumcised penises are more susceptible to build-up, but the problem is all the same. Moral of the story: wash the Fromunda cheese from your twigs and berries before trying to serve them up on a platter.

How to take care of your penis like a pro

Knowing why pampering your penis is important certainly helps, but that’s only half the battle. A lot of men understand that they need to do more for themselves, yet they have no idea where to start. Meanwhile, many of the suggestions are impractical, demeaning, or just downright dumb.

So, if you’re ready to start taking this shit seriously without breaking the bank, busting your ass, or embarrassing yourself, listen up. Here are 10 tips and tricks to help you out:

#1. Drink Lots of Water

You heard it here, folks. Staying hydrated can help improve your penile performance and appearance. It not only softens the skin, but it also helps your body produce fluids for erections and ejaculation.

DID YOU KNOW: Some partners swear that liquids you drink can be tasted in your ejaculate during oral sex.

#2. Eat Like a Smart Man

Smart eating means consuming foods that are helpful to your body. That includes chowing down on plenty of protein, fiber, and carbohydrates to help with marathon sessions and prostate health.

DID YOU KNOW: Spicy foods, spinach, and avocado are all tied to increased testosterone levels and higher fertility.

#3. Get Up and Start Moving

Physical activity is connected to penis health, believe it or not. In fact, studies have shown that inactivity affects the cardiovascular system, which in turn affects your ability to get hard.

DID YOU KNOW: Obesity is one of the leading causes of heart disease, diabetes, and (subsequently) erectile dysfunction (ED).

#4. Do Pelvic Floor Exercises

This workout is most commonly associated with vaginal tightness but it’s helpful for men as well. That’s because it improves bladder control and strengthens the muscles that control erection.

DID YOU KNOW: Kegel exercises can decrease your chances of developing certain types of cancer, according to recent studies.

#5. De-Stress Your Life

That’s right; reducing the stress in your life can improve your experiences in the sack. Stress can cause sexual performance and anxiety problems, so try to relax more often for your penis’s sake.

DID YOU KNOW: Journaling, deep breathing, meditation, and sports are considered the healthiest ways to combat stress in men.

#6. Get More Sleep

Sleep deprivation can lead to more problems than you realize. In fact, it has been linked to depleted testosterone levels, hormonal imbalances, dietary changes, and mood swings.

DID YOU KNOW: To stay healthy, the average man is supposed to get between 6 and 8 hours of sleep each night.

#7. Stop Smoking and Drinking

Smoking tobacco and drinking alcohol is dangerous to your dick, like it or not. Cigarettes and booze contain chemicals that can disrupt your cardiovascular system and ultimately your penile health.

DID YOU KNOW: Tobacco has been linked to increased infertility, and booze with what’s colloquially known as “whiskey dick.”

#8. Try to Man-scape

Your pelvic mound can get pretty unruly if you don’t learn how to be tough with the scruff. So, man-scape the landscape to prevent ingrown hairs, blemishes, heat rash, or odors.

DID YOU KNOW: Excessive hair on the groin can cause chaffing which may ultimately lead to a skin or yeast infection.

#9. Masturbate Often

You won’t go blind and your hands won’t grow hair if you jerk off all the time. In fact, it’s actually good for your health. It’s especially beneficial if you have erectile dysfunction or prostate disease.

DID YOU KNOW: Doctors now suggest that a man ejaculate, either through intercourse or masturbation, at least 21 times per month.

#10. Wash Your Wanker

The most important part of taking care of your penis is washing it properly. That keeps bacterial infections at bay, helps soften pubic hair, and moisturized the pelvic skin.

DID YOU KNOW: Dry, cracked skin around the groin, balls, or penis can lead to flaking, painful itching, and/or skin infections.

Washing your penis: a quick how-to guide

Fortunately, washing a penis isn’t nearly as complex as washing a vagina. Still, it takes some knowledge and skill because this is a delicate organ we’re talking about. After all, it makes you feel better than any other part of your body. So, take care of it to show some appreciation. Here’s how:

  • Use warm, fresh water. Stay away from that cold, stagnant shit.
  • Pick an unscented, oil-free, antibacterial soap. Don’t scrub or use anything abrasive.
  • Start at the base of the penis and work around. Try not to forget about your balls and taint.
  • Pay close attention to the shaft. Look for signs of injury or skin damage while you’re at it.
  • Pull back the foreskin if you have it. Sweat and smegma can collect there quickly.
  • Groom your pubic hair after the area has been cleaned. That helps prevent ingrown hairs.

For the best results, try to wash your penis at least once per day. Also, clean it off after each sexual encounter to prevent bacterial infections and body fluid build-up. And don’t forget to scrub your asshole and butt cheeks because anal odors can waft up between your legs during sex. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

The 10 signs of a neglected penis

You can practice perfect penile hygiene and still run into some problems. So, as you take care of your penis like a pro, be on the lookout for these signs of troublesome neglect:

  • Large amounts of unusual discharge
  • Red or swollen frenulum
  • Red or swollen balls (glans)
  • Blisters
  • Skin rashes
  • Uncontrollable itching
  • Burning sensations when you pee
  • Warts
  • Puss-filled sores
  • Ingrown hairs
  • Keep in mind as you groom that unclean razors and shavers may cause razor burn which could look like something else. If you’re seriously concerned, or if the bumps don’t go away after about a week, see a doctor for help.
The Different Types of Penises

The Different Types of Penises

Did you know that there’s more than one type of human penis? In fact, there are at least 20 according to scientists. The good news is that they’re all relatively commonplace and no specific type spells trouble. In other words, you can have any type of penis and still be perfectly fine in the sack (hopefully).

These naturally unique organs are usually separated into four main categories: Shape, Length or Girth, Color, and Detail. The typical details include the presence of hair, extra veins, foreskin, and even moles or freckles. So, which type of penis do you have? Let’s find out.

Fun facts about your unique penis

Penises are like snowflakes because they come in all different shapes and sizes. But they’re also like human beings themselves because they’re each unique in color, texture, and element. In other words, the dick itself isn’t special. Yours just is.

There’s no such thing as a bad penis either, only bad information about them. If you want to feel great about what you’ve got, then learn about what other men have first. And since you can’t just walk into a men’s locker room and start staring at cocks, this is the best way to graduate.

How does your penis shape up?

Class number one starts with a brief overview of the typical size and shape of the human shlong. Unlike the corkscrew detailing of a duck dick, most men have cocks that are long, smooth, and cylindrical with a pronounced head and a slight curve in the middle. In fact, about 30% of all men have a penis that dangles at a 30° to 60° angle.

Generally, the curve is an upward one like a banana, but that’s not always the case. Some curve downward while others are straight or C-shaped. However, that little curve isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It actually helps you target your partner’s g-spot or p-spot during sex. So, using penis straightening devices and cock extenders might not always be your best bet, especially if you’re lacking in length or girth.

DID YOU KNOW? Your penile curvature is usually only visible when you’ve got an erection.

There are also penises that get thicker towards the bottom, or ones that are extra fat on top. Those dicks take on a conical or hammer-like shape and can make insertion either easier or harder depending on your partner’s anatomy. Narrower heads tend to slide in without much trouble while thicker bases usually stimulate more the deeper you penetrate.

Exploring penile length and girth

Thickness is just another way of saying girth. And curvature can dictate how much length you put down. So, what do length and girth have to do with anything? A lot, actually. That’s because penises don’t just come in different shapes and sizes. They come with unique thicknesses too.

A man can enjoy an exclusive combination of different characteristics and all of them will ultimately cause an orgasm. It all depends on how your partners and toys react to penetration. Dicks with more girth are preferred by some lovers, while others like their cocks thin and slender. Meanwhile, the positions you choose will also dictate how thick your penis feels when it’s inside the hole.

The more you know about your dick, the better you’ll wield it in the bedroom. So, check out these 5 common trouser snake types to determine which one sounds the most like yours:

The Gherkin

This is a smaller-than-average dick that’s shorter or narrower than most. It has a less commanding stature, but it can pinpoint specific parts of the body that get ran over by larger cocks.

The Kielbasa

This is a short, stout penis that lacks length but makes up for it with girth. It hits the vaginal and anal walls like a champ but may be difficult to insert if you’re fucking a tight partner.

The Cucumber

This is a penis of average length and girth. It’s the most common of the three and it’s ideal for almost any position. However, it’s a bit basic so it’s not perfect for all partners.

The Salami

This is a larger-than-average shlong and is typically seen in porno movies because of its massive stage presence. It’s long, thick, and may or may not feature a curve in the middle.

The Pencil

Contrary to popular belief, a pencil dick is a tiny one. It’s noticeably longer and thinner than most, but that’s not always a bad thing. This penis reaches in deep and can be manipulated easier.

Remember, your penis can be a combo of several different types. The point of this exercise is to figure out how you need to be fucking based on the kind of cock you have. So, as long as you’re familiar with your phallic member, knocking socks off shouldn’t be as much of a problem.

PRO TIP: To make the most of what’ve you got, learn a few different positions, take it slow to start, and slather on plenty of lube before you begin.

Do dicks come in different colors too?

Did you know that your skin tone can affect the color of your penis? Did you also know that you can have a multicolored dick? It doesn’t even matter what race you are. There’s a variable cornucopia of cock colors out there, so you’ve got to be somewhere on the spectrum.

Like vulvas and nipples that are either darker or lighter than the skin surrounding them, dicks do the same. That’s because our sexual hormones produce melanocyte cells which then release melanin into our bloodstream. Meanwhile, changes in color can happen at any point in our lives, especially when there’s a rise in testosterone levels.

Just so you don’t freak out, these are some of the most common cock colors you’ll find in the wild:

  • Taupe
  • Brown
  • Gray
  • Red
  • Purple

Don’t worry about your hue either, because the color of your penis has no impact on how it functions.

Foreskin or Nah: That is the question

There are only two types of penises in this category: circumcised and uncircumcised. Circumcised penises have had their foreskins removed, usually at birth. These types of dicks account for more than 70% of the American population. Meanwhile, the other 30% of men are uncircumcised, which means their foreskins are still intact. Both penises are healthy and neither feels bad for humping.

The only question is about whether or not the foreskin gets in the way of intercourse and/or oral sex. For some partners, it’s a deal breaker. For others, it doesn’t really matter. Regardless of your dick’s attributes though, it’s important to practice good penile hygiene. That means washing the shaft and head diligently, especially if you have intact foreskin creating a pocket.

The charm and character of a unique penis type

We’re not done yet. We still need to talk about the tiny details that make your dick unique. For example, some men have hair on their shafts. Others sport freckles and moles. Some even have birth marks, scars, or acne down there. The fact of the matter is that no two cocks are exactly the same.

Hair is generally found around the base of the penis near the balls. Otherwise, most men have smooth, hairless shafts that are built for penetration. If you’re one of the men with flawless, bump-free junk, consider yourself lucky. A majority of guys has at least one bump or vein to accommodate. And if your dick is too smooth (God forbid), you can always use a textured condom or cock ring for enhanced sensations.

Meanwhile, veiny penises are considered a delicacy. They’re especially popular among partners who enjoy seeing the results of arousal. That’s because veins typically pop out more when blood rushes to the shaft, so veins on the dick are a sign of major horniness (and that’s some sexy shit right there). Then, there are the freckled cocks. They’re a special breed.

Freckles are sometimes mistaken for acne or STDs but they’re actually kind of cute and innocent. You’ll find freckling on your fuck stick because of anything from genetics, hyperpigmentation, and excessive sun exposure to aging and general health changes. They’re purely aesthetic, so don’t worry too much about whether you’ve got them or not. Just play connect the dots the next time you get busy.

PRO TIP: If you’re concerned about spots on your dick or if any of them start bleeding or oozing puss, call a doctor right away. That is not a freckle, sir.

The money shot

The bottom line is simple: there are a wide variety of different penis types in the world, so you’re not as big of a freak as you thought. In fact, yours is probably more normal than the guy sitting next to you. And even if it’s not, the functionality is far more important than the fashion. If your penis works and makes you feel good when you ejaculate, then what’s the problem?

Start getting more comfortable with your dick or start doing something to change it. Remember, you’ll have to either fix your perspective or fix your fuck stick because dildos don’t always do the trick. Healthy penises are all that matters here, not looks. So, talk to a healthcare professional if you have any problems that can’t be solved at home.

In the meantime, if you notice new bumps or areas of discoloration, book an appointment with your doctor ASAP because those things could be a sign of an underlying condition. Otherwise, you’ve just got a unique penis type and it’s time to start showing it off.

Fun Facts about the Human Penis

Fun Facts about the Human Penis

You’ve been living with a penis in one way, shape, or form for your entire life. Yet, there are plenty of things you don’t know about this oblong organ. For example, do you realize that the human penis is one of a kind?

No other mammal in the animal kingdom has a shlong like ours, so we should probably get to know it a little bit better. After all, it’s going to stay with us until we die. Plus, it’s a vital part of humanity’s survival overall.

10 fun facts about the human penis they didn’t teach you in school

There’s more to the human penis than meets the eye. In fact, scientists are still studying our shlongs because they’re so exclusive and mysterious. You most likely learned about trouser snakes while you were in school, but your teachers certainly didn’t tell you this stuff. So, grab some popcorn because we’re about to dive deep into these 10 fun penis facts.

#1. You got your first erection as a baby.

The human penis is born to work, so it doesn’t take any time for it to strap on boots and stand at attention for its first assignment. In fact, a study conducted in 1991 proves that even fetuses can cop a boner. Doctors have actually seen them in countless ultrasounds. It happens during REM sleep and can occur several times in one hour.

So, stop thinking that your first chubby was in 2nd grade when Suzie smooched your cheek. It was when you were still forming in your mom, perv. Scientists believe it happens as your body is “coming alive” through natural neurological development. The problem is that it seldom ever stops until the day we die. But even then, our dicks can still get hard for a while.

#2. Your penis is longer than you think it is.

As a matter of fact, your ding-dong is nearly twice the size you’ve come to believe it is. That’s because more than half of its entire length is smooshed up inside your body. To make it longer, thicker, stronger, or more robust, you might have to do some stretches from time to time. Just keep in mind that it’s attached to vital organs.

As you can tell by the diagram above, there’s a big mass of tissue right on top of your balls. It’s called (get ready for this) the “corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum.” That grandly named mass extends far into your pelvic region, giving you more penis length overall (albeit in the shape of a boomerang). It’s all right there in the picture; you just can’t use it as a pickup line.

#3. Morning wood isn’t as flattering as it sounds.

Whether you know it or not, most men get around 3-5 boners every night while they sleep. It happens during REM, as expected, and it has more to do with hormonal surges during dreamtime than your sexual health or appetites. So, waking up in the morning with a raging hard-on isn’t as spectacular as you’ve been making it.

There’s actually a name for erections that happen just before, during, or just after sleep. It’s called “nocturnal penile tumescence” and it’s completely natural, not purposeful. Doctors still don’t know exactly why it happens, but some think it’s an evolved trait that keeps men from pissing on themselves in the middle of the night. Either way, it’s a win-win for whoever wakes up the bed with you.

#4. You can break it.

Yes, you read that right. You can break your dick if you’re not careful. After all, there’s a bone inside and it’s more delicate than you treated it last weekend. Bones inside sexual organs is relatively rare in the animal kingdom, so feel proud about your sexy skeleton. Just take it easy during vigorous sex because you could end up snapping in half. Ouch.

A penis fracture isn’t as serious as it sounds but it hurts like hell. There have been documented cases of men breaking their boners after falling out of bed, so you’re really never out of danger. So, don’t stop having sex the way you like it just because your cock could snap in two. There are doctors who can fix it and it’s a rather rare occurrence anyway.

#5. The angle of your dangle isn’t unique.

Your magic mushroom can look in almost any direction. In fact, most men don’t have straight dicks at all. So, stop thinking yours is unique because there are probably thousands of guys with a dick like yours. This isn’t a fingerprint, fellas. A majority of human penises sit at an angle and there’s actually a pattern to it. Here’s how it generally breaks down:

  • About 5% of men hang between 0 and 30°.
  • Nearly 30% dangle at around 30 to 60°.
  • Another 31% boasts a 65-85° angle.
  • Almost 10% of men carry an 85-95° penis.
  • The remaining +/-25% dangle at a 95 to 180° angle.

That means you can stop feeling weird about your cock being cock-eyed. It’s completely normal and has probably been seen before. Plus, it usually feels a lot better for your partners because it helps attack the g-spot and p-spot.

#6. A flaccid penis is no indication of its erect potential.

Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m a grower, not a show-er?” That’s because they’re the type of guy whose dick pops up out of nowhere to become a behemoth boner where a flaccid fig once flopped. He’s not really that special though. Scientifically speaking, there’s no direct correlation between the length of your flaccid dick and its ultimate size. It’s all a mystery, folks.

A “grower” is someone who starts out small and then grows into something more massive. A “show-er” is someone whose soft penis is large but stays the same size for the most part when erect. You have little control of which type of person you are, so love your lap for what it is and learn how to put a little more motion in your ocean to compensate if you have to.

#7. It’s hard as hell to control when men ejaculate.

Guys can’t do much about when they get off, at least not once the process has been initiated. It takes an incredible amount of willpower to stop the surge when it’s already engaged. That’s because the process doesn’t really use the brain. At that point, your spinal ejaculation generator is in charge instead.

Of course, you can still use your head a little bit to slow the flow. If you try to concentrate on something else, it might delay ejaculation by a few seconds. However, the nuts and bolts of this operation are primal, so you have to train your penile nerve endings, not your overly excited mind.

#8. Your shoe size doesn’t matter…at all.

They say men who have big shoes have even bigger penises, but that’s hardly the case. In fact, this urban myth has stopped far too many small-footed men from getting laid properly. A recent study conducted by BJU International showed no relation between feet and fun sticks. It is what it is, size 12. Your glory days are over.

As it turns out, your dick dimensions are dependent upon other things and many of them aren’t even physical. Factors like your age, your height, and the length of your index finger are more telling. So, stop looking at the ground before going to pound town. The proof is in the point finger, my friends.

#9. You get one final boner right after you die.

Almost as a way to say “Goodbye, cruel world. Suck my dick,” you’ll get a raging hard-on just a few moments after you croak. It happens as your body goes into rigor mortis, but it’s most common among those who die of asphyxiation. That’s because there’s additional pressure on the cerebellum and spine at the time of death, and you already know how the spine interacts with your penis.

This phenomenon also occurs for the same reasons that you get an erection in your sleep. Hormone dumps into your blood stream cause a condition colloquially dubbed “angel lust” or a “terminal erection.” And while it may sound like what happened the last time you went home with a random stranger, it’s actually less sad than that.

#10. There are monuments dedicated to dicks all over the world.

The penis is an ancient relic that has inspired countless works of art. Believe it or not, the obelisks in
Egypt and Washington D.C. represent a phallic form. The Capitol Dome represents the womb, and this type of symbolism is virtually everywhere. Some cultures even think that erect dick statues can bring good luck and improved fertility.

In Iceland, for example, there’s an Icelandic Phallological Museum that dedicates exhibit space to works of penile art from all over the world. The founder received a bull’s penis as a token of strength when he was a boy. So naturally, he started a museum to house his growing collection. I guess that makes him a “grower” and a “show-er.”

The money shot

We’re not taught nearly enough about the human penis in primary school. Then, by high school, we think we know it all. When we reach adulthood, we become surprised by all the fun facts we learn along the way. It’s the circle of life, so don’t get discouraged because you’re not a penis expert. If we knew everything already we’d probably tear down our dick monuments and call it a day, but we don’t.

You see, mankind is so fascinated by boners that they keep fossilized penises in museums for public appreciation. There’s one in Greece called “Colymbosathon Ecplecticos” which just means “awesome swimmer with a massive shlong” in Greek. But between Egypt, Washington D.C., and Iceland, places like China, Japan, and Greece need to catch up on their groin game.

Either way, the dick will never go away because it’s a part of humanity and the survival thereof. So, knowing as much as possible about it is more important than most schools pretend. A wise scholar by the name of Mokokoma once said, “Even the world’s best actor can’t fake an erection,” and he was right. You won’t be able to hide it, so try embracing it for once. You’re not as strange as you think.